remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
