i would punch a child for taco bell
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
