is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
