I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
