I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
