I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
