if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
