seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
