Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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