moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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