i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
