i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Too much gin, very little bucket
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
