i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
