okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
