a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
