..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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