Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
