I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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