problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
