he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
organizing the empties. That sober.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
