He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
