I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize