Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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