K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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