I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
