i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
