I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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