u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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