Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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