we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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