We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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