found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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