508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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