____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
