you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
