I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
