Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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