she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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