Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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