She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
