I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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