just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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