it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
