The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She said her name was "party"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
