i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
