No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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