I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
