I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
