I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
