so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
