Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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