I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
