honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
