Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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