It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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