It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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