apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
