i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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