he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
