obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
