what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They are going to name an STD after you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
