Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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