I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
