you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize