pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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