I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
