That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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