i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
did i just pee glitter
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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