Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
