my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize