I heard we made out
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
