he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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