K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
