Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
