Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
