hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
