Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
