Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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