Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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