My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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