I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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