Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
