Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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