Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
